Potpourri

So I spent some time recently trying to convince a coworker that Adam and Eve were obviously the world's first Irish. I argued that the fruit of knowledge can only have been a potato: you see, what knowledge-gathering device has ever been better than the eye? And potatoes are chock-full of eyes.

As I drive along the highways, I like to keep my eyes peeled for hawks sitting up in the trees, or flying along on a zephyr. If I see them, I will say "Good morning" or "Good evening". Out loud.

When I was a wee lad, I mis-heard my father talking about the sound barrier. I heard him say "sound burier". For years I pictured an old fellow up in the clouds who would bury any sound that made it up that high. When he told me that the sound burier was broken, I felt bad for the old bloke.

Years ago, when the Mrs. and I were still dating (I was then still lulling her into my inescapable web...gotta love the Pope), we were babysitting for the neighbors, who had a young girl and a young boy. The girl asked me to check her closet for monsters before she went to bed. I did this, set her up in her bed, and on the way out the door said as casually as possible, "Everybody knows that monsters live under the bed anyway."

Later, when we were preggos with our eldest, we were at the OB's office "checking things out". I walked into the exam room while the doctor's assistant was amidst the privates. She asked me if I was the father. My response: "Well, I'm her husband at any rate".

Do you suppose that you get heavier when you fart?

How about when you burp?

I wonder if Weight Watchers has a point value for burps and farts. Is it a negative value?

Have you ever been standing up, riding in a bus when the driver had to jam on the breaks? You know how everyone in the bus lurches forward at that moment? Very dangerous thing, that. That's what really happened to the dinosaurs. When the meteor hit, the earth stopped it's ~1,000 MPH rotation, and all the dinosaurs were hurled forward, relative to the earth, at that speed. Most of them died when they crashed into hills, mountains, or each other. Some small flying ones died because they were hurled into space, others because they became beached, having been thrown up out of the water and still others drown because they were land-dwellers that were hurled into the oceans. Many recovered, and upon standing up to see what the hell just happened, the earth suddenly lurched back into its normal rotation and the surviving dinos were all thrown BACKwards at ~1,000 MPH. Most of the survivors of the stop died when the earth started up again. This left those very few that remained bereft of sufficient members of the opposite sex of their own species, and in-breeding began to devolve them back into fish.

What happened to all the pet rocks? Did they die or something? I haven't seen them in decades.

How hungry was the first person who ate a lobster?

How many people had to die eating blowfish before the safe preparation of them was determined?
"Nope, Hiroshi died."
"Huh...well, I did this one differently, feed to to Keiko."
"Keiko's dead."
"Ting-Chow...!"